Now what?!!

So now I find the bitches shirt in my room. None of what he says makes sense. I don't wanna even think about it anymore it's gonna upset me more and drive me crazy

I don't need no love.

I don't even know my own self

  So apparently I am blind to my own feelings. Either oblivious or in denial. But then I would be in denial to myself, cuz I am only trying to  fool myself into thinking that  I don't give a fuck about him, that I want him out of my life, away from me and that I despise him.
Is it true that if u keep saying something repeatedly  or acting a certain way over And over eventually it'll stick ?
Well in this case I try to deny how I feel about him, even to myself. And I act as though I don't care about him or what he does.  But I left to the valley at 2 am wanting to see him before I left. But he never showed or answered my calls. He was with another girl till 4 am with his phone off. My mom thinks he's cheating.
I didn't want to come here.
I miss him and im in a panic on what he's doing with her. I'm afraid my fuck up is pushing them together and im trying to rush back.  After the first court I stopped at my friends and watched a video on my phone I took of him the day before i lost the car. Hearing his voice and seeing him I immediately felt this horrible tight burn in my stomach. And this ache and almost a panicky feeling to run to him and put him away from prying eyes. ..just so I won't lose him. If I hide him from the world it won't take him away from me.