He Respects me, he respects me not.

that's an easy answer, how about Not. as I si9+.it here.in.the garage.being ignored i feel like such an asks, or.an outcast. fuck.how.i.feel.or.the.latent.disrespect it has toe. wanna know.what.happened?.the.girl.he.was.fucking.around.with. has the.nerve to come.with Chase.. needless.to.say.it's.awkward.and.I'm.supposed.to.be put.above.that but.instead.he.kicks me out. I'm like standing there feeling like a cheap wo're who's being asked.to.kick.rocks.cuz.i.have. no value.here. he makes.me.feel.like.shit.and treats me.like.shit. guess that mean.he doesn't.want.to.be with me right.?. i wish.i.didn't.love .him.i.wish I.could.just.turn.and.walk away instead of. subjecting.myself.to.this.abuse.what's worse is that he doesn't give.a.flying fuck how I  feel.

the day of Valentine's birthday

so i gave him his darts he seemed genuinely happy. he's in the shower right now, and his sister came in the room and saw me. she actually smiled and was happy that I was here. that made me feel good! I wish bobot shared her same enthusiasm.
although I feel out of place I'm trying to maintain a good positive attitude.
but man,, he's on a good one.he's totally obvious in my eyes.

150pm
I'm at Robert's. after bobit got out of the shower he tells me he's going to go to Carson. , then awkward silence, and i knew what he was getting at. I'm supposed to kick rocks. he asks what an I gonna do   i mumble about going to store, and i tell him happy birthday. he said he'll call me later. do I'm walking away, he tells me he doesn't have my new number. as I'm walking out i say that its the same which it is. but he's not going to call me.
i wanted to spend his birthday with him, and i . wanted him to want that to, but he doesn't.in fact he's so emotionally unavailable to me now. he doesn't care that I'm dying inside. he doesn't really want me around, i feel like such an outcast. everyone gets to gather around him and the person that should be by his side is cast away never to be thought of again.his;, love: switch just switched off.  and to suppress any feeling he might have.  he slams himself with dope. so of course he didn't feel remorse, regret, loneliness sadness and love.  i should be there but I'm not and i need to accept that.

Valentines Day Heart Ache Birthday Boy Bash

Valentines Daz is his birthday. Hell be 36 zears old. He broke up with me Mondaz at 4am. i dont care how little time has passed, hes blocked mz number, and hes well aware of me monitoring his texts. which is onlz torture for me to read him proclaim to everzone how he is single now, come over. and talking with girls. it kills me, actuallz. I even see his püictures in mz phone, and mz google photos, and there is alot of them and it makes mz stomachj fall so low and then i miss him so much.