He keeps reminding me of how he doesn't want me here and he can't get me to leave Cuz my car is broken down, and how he can't deal with me. Of course he's saying it rather harshly if not cruel . At least now. Yes saying it in front of people so that I can feel real stupid in front of everyone. I just sit there quietly letting him make me feel the usual make me feel really unwanted. Savannah actually made an observational statement that I have said word for word in my journal entries: how I'm just trying to find acceptance from him. Which is very true, but hen she said that I won't get it , I also know that to be true. And knowing all the obvious truth about what I'm .lacking, and what I won't find here with him, I am just mainting my imperviousness to his actions, lack thereof and his.words. basically, I'm trying to not care what he says or does or says or who he's with and I try to enstill the idea hat we are not together, I am not his girlfriend, I don't care , so that nothing will hurt me. It's an admirable attempt but also foolish. Only drugs keep me numb.I may not feel it now cuz I'm high but it's still hurting me.and when the cloud subsides the pain will be there and I'll have to face it.
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